Home Schooling Parents, What would you do/say to this person?

-I'll try not to make this too long or complicated.



My kids are home schooled. Everyone we know is aware of this and I often get asked questions about how to get started, what are the laws, how does it work...etc. from moms who would like to get started home schooling. I like helping others and I can usually point people in the right direction, no problem.



But this morning I got a call from the mother of one of my kids friends. She and I don't know each other that well ( meaning we aren't friends or anything) and she was asking about home schooling her oldest son. Well, from what she is telling me and from what I know of her I personally don't think it's a good idea. Now, I know that it is NOT my place to say that to her, or to judge her or anything but her situation is far different than any other I've encountered. I'm just wondering what others think of this.



Some back ground. Mom and 2 kids live in the projects, dad is in prison and will be for the next 10 years, Mom and son each see a therapist weekly because of anger/violence issues they both have. Son is medicated, so is mom for anger issues. Mom swears that son is just terrible at home and at school and is very far behind his classmates. She is convinced that he can only get caught up if she teaches him at home. But then she tells me that he won't listen to her to even clean his room and he's been sneaking out at night and in general getting into all kinds of trouble.



Now, I've never had any problems with this kid. As far as I can tell he is a very nice boy. He has never been mean or disrespectful at my home ever. I'm not saying she is lying, but I do believe there is so much tension in her home and such a lack of respect that the boy will not do well at all having her as his teacher...because she isn't even doing that good a job at mothering and he sees it and is resentful.



I gave her all the information that she asked for when she called. Technical stuff like what exactly the law says ( although I'm not 100% sure she even understood what I was saying ) and where to get the paperwork. She says she will call me back to ask more questions later. So, I'm wondering if I should voice my concerns.



Would you say something to her? Again, she and I are not close friends or anything. I know these things about her because she has told me on the few occasions that we have talked. I'm not assuming anything here. I don't want to overstep or seem like I'm better than her or anything. I can see she is trying to do something good for her son......I just don't know if THIS is what is going to 'fix' all their problems.



I hope I didn't come off wrong here.I have homeschooled my kids. All you can do is to let her know that it takes a great deal of organization and prep time to home school. That you don't just hand out worksheets to do and leave.

and that both of them must be committed to getting the school work done each day. I would also direct her to go the public library to do research on homeschooling. in other words, don't answer all of her questions. she needs to explore this in more ways than talking to you about it. If she is serious about it, she will do the research she needs to.

You then need to leave it up to her.There really isn't anything you can do. If she wants to try she's going to try.



Give her the info she asks for or she'll just find it elsewhere. I wouldn't feel it's my place to give my opinion on her lifestyle or whether it is suitable to homeschooling; but honestly the way it sounds, how can anything make things worse at this point?



She is working with therapists and drs., and if you live in a state that is more tightly regulated if she is not following state laws she's going to end up in non-compliance and have to send him back anyway.
I think you've taken the right approach so far, You need to give her the basics of the information she needs and then step back a bit. Ask her if she has email and email her links for homeschooling sites that have the legalities, curriculum resources etc.



I would keep your opinions about her ability to homeschool out of it, except as generalities, like the commitment on both sides homeschooling takes. That opinion is overstepping what you need to do, because if it isn't right for her, she'll figure that out in time. It's her call to decide what's right and not for him, not someone else. I think with the popularity of homeschooling, some people feel like they must do it to do the best by their kids. Obviously, if her son is way behind his peers, the public school isn't so great either, but that isn't necessarily its fault. It's hard to learn when you're so filled with anger and issues, whether it's in school or at home. I might say this to her: homeschooling really doesn't fix problems people have, it's just that it's the right place to learn for some kids and families. Because if you think about it, homeschooling isn't always the one cure-all answer for all families. It isn't a perfect fix that's right for everyone.. But if you say it's the best way to educate children just not you and your child, it sounds like you're saying it's she isn't as good. It will be her judgment call.
I can understand why you would be concerned. Homeschooling is wonderful, but in some situations it is definitely not the best choice. If I were in your shoes I would suggest that she keep him in school and then supplement his education at home to help him get caught up. That way maybe she could "get a feel" for how full time homeschool would go. You might also want to suggest she talk to her therapist about the pros and cons, and how homeschool might work in relation to the other issues. For example, would it bring her and her son closer and keep him away from negative influences at school or would it create even more tension in the home causing more violence and anger. Her therapist should know enough about the family dynamics to give her some sound advice. If she insists on doing it anyway maybe you could invite her and her son to join you for school for a few days so she can really see how much dedication, time, and patience it takes. Other than this, I don't think there is much else you can do at this point. If she does start homeschooling and doesn't follow through all you can really do is be there for her son, and report her for educational neglect if she doesn't meet the legal requirements for homeschoolers in your state. Good luck!
I don't think schooling comes in a "one size fits all" variety. Home-Schooling, if done properly, takes a lot of effort and patience on the parent's behalf. It doesn't sound like this lady has the psychological capacity at the moment to give that. Perhaps a special needs school would be more suitable in her son's situation? I think the suggestion of inviting her to observe lessons etc is a good one, hopefully it will stop her from thinking it's a quick-fix.



I don't know, I'm just guessing. Homeschooling is illegal in my country, I draw these observations from watching episodes of Wife Swap USA in which kids are home-schooled. I don't have children, but I know I'd never have the patience to home-school them if I did. Maybe also tell her that it is a lot of work. The other question is, does she work? If she does, then wouldn't she have to quit to teach her kids? If she's unemployed, then maybe she should look for a job instead of home-school her kids. They'd probably be better adjusted if they weren't living in the projects.
Maybe give her tips on how to handle her situation better. I know that when people break things down for me it helps a lot because i am currently be home schooled.